Hiding Behind My Glasses.....
I was whisked away into my thoughts the other day while riding on some back country roads with my husband and kids. I was thinking of authenticity and what does it mean to be yourself. I was thinking of who I was when no one was watching. What do I find myself reveling in when no one is interrupting my thought process? I drifted off into memories of when I was a child. I felt those times were the most pure. I hadn't been adulterated with others opinions. I didn't understand society's norms. I didn't have any idea that anything I did was unacceptable socially. I was just doing what came natural to me. I remembered my grandmothers house. I grew up there up until I was a teenager. I thought of how hard I always said my life was growing up because of the difficult circumstances I had endured, however when I got to the bottom of things I discovered the beauty I had enjoyed too.
I remembered how much I connected with and enjoyed nature. How the grass felt cool, soft, and almost like fine fabric against my skin. I recalled how I'd sit in the grass with ladybugs crawling on my legs and grasshoppers jumping around me. I could smell the sweetness of the plum tree I used to sit in the backyard while grandma worked in the garden. I felt the warmth of the sunshine as I played in the backyard with my imaginary friends. I would escape into a world unknown. I disappeared into fantasy land filled with tall evergreen trees and hills of grass for miles to see. I lived in this world and nothing else existed until grandma called for me to come in for the evening. I enjoyed laying under the pecan tree watching the spider climb down the railing. I watched the birds come to the bird bath drinking the water or fighting over it! Lol I never understood birds fighting but as a part of nature every species does it. Life was simple. It was as I walked in the garden of Eden and God was there. I couldn't see him but I felt his presence. I ate from grandma's apple tree even though I didn't like the small apples that much. I was always scared there would be a worm peeping through at me. I was being me. I was lost in the wonder of the world. I watched the world happen around me and I was intrigued, intoxicated, and amazed by it. I was afraid of it and in love with it all at the same time. The whole huge big earth was right in my backyard. God was to.
Today I often leave that young girl at the door. I forget her and I don't allow her to be free. I hide behind my glasses. I don't give her a right to just be. Why do I hide her? I think because the world is mean. I think because people judge. I think because she's different. She sees the world different and people don't understand her. I think because it's easier fitting in with the crowd than to blaze your own trail! #GettingNaked It's easier of course to walk the trail already blazed. It's wider. Many people can fit on it. You have several people to go with you, to share with you, and to be just like you. It eliminates the possible alienation of being different than all of the rest, right. It's the road most traveled. It's also the road with the least authenticity.
As I've grown what I've found though is artist are a unique breed. People who dare love themselves as they are are a prized possession. They are the best wine. What I'm getting at Authentic's is that people like me and you exist, we are special, different, and it's okay. You are beautiful. You are spiritually connected in a way that sets you apart from others. I used to think that I was such a rarity. I thought that people like me live somewhere in New York or Italy. They are a world away from me and I have no idea how I would be able to find them. I am quite a different pickle. I know that I think, feel, see the world different than the people I'm around. I'm the kind of girl who won't read the same book twice unless it's something in a self help book I need to remind myself of. I'm not the person who wants to get all of the catch phrases; I would rather create my own. That's me being me. In the crowd though I'll repeat the catch phrases. By default I'm meshing with the crowd.
Being yourself is a stripping of ego. It's a letting go of what mom, daddy, and sister nem think. I remember a time I let someone take away a part of who I was. I was a very outspoken teenager. I remember the day someone said to me, "You just anything you want to say"...... with a scowl covering their face. They said it with the indication that I should shut up and I did. I stopped being so outspoken. This person made such an impact that I found myself being silent where it counted. I needed to say when things were wrong but around this person I kept quiet. I saw it as what I was doing caused me to make other uncomfortable. It made me the least likely to be voted class president type of person. I didn't want to be rejected so I shut up. The truth of that situation was not that I should be quiet but that the person didn't want to grow. If people are comfortable and have no desire to grow up out of unproductive situations they will attempt to tear you down so that they can remain comfortable. It's survival so I get it. I also get if people do this in order for their survival you have to do what's necessary for your survival. So of course you know being quiet didn't serve me. I'd been doing what made others feel good. I was living for everyone else instead of living from my most holy and sacred place. I wasn't honoring God nor myself. I wasn't being me.
Something else I learned that sticks with me is that if you aren't showing up authentic in the world, the people who are looking for you can't find you because you aren't showing up as yourself. Give that some thought Authentic's. Take time out to love who you are at your core, not who you are trying to be for others!
Signing off...
#BEYOU
#HidingBehindMyGlasses
#JournetytoAuthenticity
#GetNaked
#YouInspireMe
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