I hope that all of my readers have enjoyed their week! I hope that you have lived up to your journey to authenticity goals! I have practiced authenticity each day. It's rewarding! I've met some struggles as well. I have struggled with the attitude and actions of others. I am not the type of person to quickly address or assess a situation in which I need to speak up. I question myself. I indeed wrestle with that. So send up some prayers for me. I have to find out what it means to be authentically myself in that moment. Which brings me to my topic today, Vulnerability! I want to dissect this a little bit so the format of this post may look somewhat different than others I've written.
Let's take a look at the definition of vulnerability.
Per google: Vulnerability is the state of being open to injury, or appearing as if you are. It might be emotional, like admitting that you're in love with someone who might only like you as a friend, or it can be literal, like the vulnerability of a soccer goal that's unprotected by any defensive players.
I also googled vultures because the word came to me after researching the concept of vulnerability.
Here's the definition of vultures per google: Vulture is the name given to two groups of scavenging birds of prey: the New World vultures, including the Californian and Andean condors; and the Old World vultures, including the birds that are seen scavenging on carcasses of dead animals on African plains.....
Keep up with me! I promise you an entertaining ride!
I thought to myself when I read both definitions, "No wonder people don't want to be vulnerable!" If I thought of being vulnerable everyday as being open for injury I'd do everything I could to protect myself from being torn apart. Then there's vultures. How many of us have used the term vultures to describe a certain type of people who prey on you, who try to hurt you, or who talk about you to bring you down. We have learned that you must protect yourself from these people, these vultures, right!
Hiding Behind My Glasses.....
When I was a young mother I was raising a sickly toddler. He had a bag of medications he had to take on a regular basis. I wasn't sure if he was responding well to one of the medications so I took matters into my own hands. I didn't give it to him as prescribed. Instead I'd give it to him as needed. During his next doctors visit they had to test his levels. They asked me had I given him the medication as prescribed based on communication before where I mentioned that it seemed the medication had negative affects on him. After discussing with them how much I thought I was giving, the doctor stated the thing I feared the most, "If this test shows that he doesn't have accurate levels based on his prescription we will call a case manager". I knew that those words meant they could suggest I've medically neglected my child. I also knew that it could mean my child could be taken from me because of that. I was worried! His father was present with me. Once I heard what the lady said I got upset. I started to cry. His father said to me, "Don't show these people your tears, that's what they want". I couldn't understand how crying for my son could allow them to do anything worse than what they already did to me. They suggested involving an agency that is known for taking children from parents. I was afraid. According to the definition above his father saw me as vulnerable, open to injury.
I have to say now, Authentic's, I do not agree with that definition. They have the being open part correct, but when I'm emotionally open is that not being authentic? When the doctor threatened to have my child taken away and I cried, I felt that fear. I felt like it was wrong based on the fact that I was trying to help my child not harm him. I felt heart broken that someone would take my first born son away from me. It wasn't being open to injury in my brain! It was releasing a truth. The doctor could have been a vulture, someone to come eat of my body dying in the street, but I didn't see myself as a carcass. I didn't see myself as a dying animal that could no longer fend for himself. I wasn't weak at all in that moment. That was never my perception. I may have felt a bit desperate in that moment, like what can I do. They were the authority figure and in my head I didn't know how to argue with their law. However, I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to wait and let them eat me up! So why wasn't it okay for me to cry.
I recall hearing people call President Obama weak. They wanted him to go to war over the crisis happening on our own soil and abroad. Never mind asking who exactly are we supposed to bomb! LOL But when he refused to go and kill people he was seen as weak. He was seen as open to injury. He was seen as vulnerable. It was amazing to me that people called him a wimp when he chose to stand down. I saw it as being true to himself. What an amazing way to be true to yourself when millions of people are looking to you for leadership! That's the way you lead! He was sure of himself.
Authentic's, it is our duty to understand emotional vulnerability. We can't be authentic hiding behind our education, our money, our Berlin wall of defense mechanisms. We can't be REAL with others if we are denying our-self the right to feel and experience our world the way we naturally experience it. If I feel like jumping for joy when I step outside on a sunny day, but refuse to do so because others don't do it I'm not being myself. I'm hiding for fear of rejection. I read another blog this morning, forgive me because I can't recall the source, but there was a quote that fit very well with this post. "We reject ourselves.... trying to protect ourselves from others rejecting us"..... Isn't that powerful. Think of the time you said, "No! I'm not going to cry at the sound of someone beautifully singing because others aren't crying!" You just rejected your feelings so that you can fit in. I remember going out to the club when I was younger. I loved to dance and still do! I went out though with a few girls that always held up the wall. That's how i describe people who stood against the wall and would never got on the dance floor. So I would stand on the wall with them for a while. Then I would be watching them talk about the people dancing as if they could do it better. I'm just keeping it real right! LOL So yes... they would talk about the people dancing. I felt uncomfortable. I felt this urge in my gut. It's like I couldn't stand on that wall any longer. My authentic self wanted to dance the night away! My ego was holding me back because of the ladies I was with. After a while I just followed my gut. I would go dance! Why reject who I am? Why deny my soul the right to be free? Those people still stood on the wall but on occasion they would come out and dance with me. I don't know what they were worried about, but just on occasion they let go and came out to dance. Your freedom frees up others as well! I'm sure of that.
Authentic's when you walk through the world understand that yes there are situations where you will be vulnerable such as walking out late at night by yourself. That's a situation where you are open for injury. That's physical vulnerability. That's a place where vultures will come because you are weak in that place alone. Unless you are Bruce Lee! Even he would be weak because he's alone in a place where his senses are dimmed. However, in your emotional life, people can't injure you unless what they say about you is something you are already unsure of yourself. I struggled with that very thing. Once I understood that it was something I needed to deal with inside of myself I became better. I have taken on the slogan, What you say about me is none of my business! I can't worry about what others think. I'm living my life. I'm being authentic. I'm in the practice of being me!
Until next time my loves.....
#JourneytoAuthenticity
#BEYOU
#EmotionallyFit
#HidingBehindMyGlasses
#VulturesvsVulnerability
#GetNaked
#BeVulnerable
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