I have had an interesting week! I hope that yours was amazing as well.
For the last post in week 3 I wanted to finish out the theme of Being You by discussing how I've showed up in the world. I wanted to share with you all my moments of authenticity. What I've gathered aren't necessarily moments concerning how I've interacted with others but they are moments when I was most in tune with myself. I'm sharing moments where I was totally myself and loving it. I would like for you to share moments with me where you felt authentic and in tune as well. There's no time in my life since childhood where I've felt more true to myself. I'm embracing who I am in its fullness and I'm learning to be okay with that. Opinions of others have often shaped how we respond in our world. Through this journey what has stuck out to me the most is how I've listened to so many outside voices that I've allowed my own voice to become a whisper. My voice has become the child in the back of the class whose often overlooked. I allowed it because I thought life was supposed to be a certain way. My weirdness, I thought, shouldn't be displayed, therefore I silenced it as much as I could. However, when I act from my soul I am my most authentic self. I aim to continue flowing from my soul, from my most inner self. It feels natural. I have less anxiety. I also have more fun!
Hiding Behind My Glasses...
Often times the silly, weird, funny, simple but wise person I am I withhold until someone might need it. I wait for permission from others to be myself. I wait to see if it's acceptable to open up my personality box. For several reasons I just held back the beauty and uniqueness of who I am. I'm deciding each day to live more from my soul. My life coach has always said that people are looking for me but they can't find me because I've been hiding. Well my dear people I'm doing my best to open up. I want to be my authentic self. I want you to find me. I do have things you need. I know that I do.So I want to touch on three authentic moments that I had this week. Three moments in which I was just being Sharhonda without thought or concern of who was paying attention.
The first moment was when my husband said, black coffee. I don't know why he said it. He and my sons were having a conversation and I overheard. When I heard black coffee my mind went to a song I hadn't heard in years. It was a song the rapper Heavy D, God rest his soul, used to have out in the late 80's. I was all of about 9 or 10 years old. I felt like I wanted to dance. I wanted to feel that happiness. So I said you know what I'm going to play that song! I found the video on YouTube. When it played it brought a smile on my face. I am smiling even now. I know that I was being true to myself. I do things like that. When people say phrases in everyday conversation I can link it to a movie, or song I've heard. Not only do I link it but I may act it out, or sing! If it's a fun memory I have to embrace it and have fun in that moment. A quick jam out session and I'm good! LOL I just love being me.
The 2nd moment I lived in my most authentic space was a little deeper. I was sitting on the couch watching my son take out the trash. While I was watching him another guy was carrying two bags of trash out to the dumpster as well. I was just sitting and staring. I got lost in thought. I wondered what meaning lies behind the typical role of the woman cleaning the house and throwing the trash away while the man carries the trash outside to the dumpster? I never got to the part where I contemplated what meaning could lie behind it but I will one day. I think it'll come back to me or I'll sit and search it out when my mind reaches a quiet place. I'll find some way that it relates to the world. I'm sure that one day when I'm talking to someone offering them advice this metaphor will come up. I'm sure that I'll be able to offer wisdom that will click into the mind of someone who needed it. I'm sure this will happen because I've experienced this before. I don't know when but I'm positive it will. I'm excited about it! I get to live in a moment where I feel God uses me to bring freedom to someone else. That's magic!
My third experience is when I babysat my 4 year old niece. I love children. Children are full of life. They are so curious and adventurous. Children show us a part of the world that we have forgotten. I believe that I may live through them in so many ways. I won't go build a recreation park to play with them all day, but when I spend time with them I'm very intentional. So I'm spending the day with my niece while her mom is working. She just had a birthday and a balloon is floating around the house. I start bouncing the balloon to her. We play for at least 30 minutes bouncing the balloon back and forth. She could have went for hours. If I count it all up she probably did do that off and on for hours. She bounced around with the most genuine smile. Her eyes lit up like lights. She was having a great time. I see her jumping on the bed and go back to a moment in time when we had no worries. A moment in time when jumping on the bed was all we cared about. There were no before or after thoughts. We just jumped on the bed. That was the only thought occupying space in our mind. The only other thing that was present was the happiness and joy that we experienced. AHHHH I can feel that joy! The moment I enjoyed the most is when I told her I needed to take a rest. I kneel on the floor and put my head down on the edge of the bed. She sat down by my head. It's quiet for a few seconds then her voice pierces the air, "Aunt Ronna.." I say, "Yes KK.." She then proceeds to look through my hair. She says, "Aunt Ronna, that's my hair bow on your hair!" I asked as if I had no idea, "Is it?" "Yes, Aunt Ronna." She starts feeling for the hair bow so that she can take it out of my hair. I hold my head down so she can take it out. In my authenticity I watched her be a little woman. I saw her take charge of a situation. I didn't bother her. I didn't attempt to exert control over her. I didn't fight with her and make her cry about wanting a hair bow that I knew was hers. I needed a hair bow. I needed one to hold my pony tail in place but my soul wanted to experience the wonder of a four year old living in her own power. I wanted to experience what it was like for a little person to take control. So I said to myself what is she going to do once she gets the hair bow. I started to help her. I had trouble so she says, "I got it Aunt Ronna". LOL It just tickles me. I knew as an adult I could at any moment refuse to allow her to take the hair bow out. After all I did need it, but I chose not to. I wanted her to live in her moment. I finally got the hair bow off. She takes it from me. I felt small. LOL I felt like I just let a little kid take my hair bow from me. I just let a four year old boss me around. My ego was seriously hurting for a second. I had a moment when I said why does it even matter? I know now that it's because I've been conditioned to exert control over children. She has such a free and confident spirit. You have to be around the little person. She's been here before as the old folks say. She has to be like 30 years old in the spirit! LOL So yes I watched her to see what she would do once she got the hair bow out of my hair. She confidently walked over to her mothers dresser, opened the drawer, and placed the hair bow in the drawer. I loved it! I was too tickled! I was like look at the responsibility of a four year old. After she jacked my hair bow that's actually hers, she came back with the balloon and was ready to play with me again. I learned something in that moment. When we put our egos in check there's no fighting, and we can resume life as normal. We can use this situation in so many different settings in life. We don't have to use control just because we realize we have it. We don't. Not many people are ready for that level of vulnerability in life. I understand it. I'm not always ready either.
Those are my authentic moments. As I type I question who will judge my actions. Especially with my niece. People may say that a child shouldn't respond to an adult like that. I know where I was raised there were certain lines you didn't cross with adults. I like to go against the grain though. I know what its like to feel like a caged bird, having a beautiful song but only singing within the cage. I don't put all of those limits on children. They are the purest form of freedom.
I wanted to come to you in the most genuine way that I could to end this theme of Being You. Share your story with me. Let me know how you live in your most authentic moments. What feels good to you? I'm signing off my loves! Pursue happiness. Love yourself as yourself. Do have a marvelous time while living this life! You only get one that we know about. Live it being you!
Until next week.........
#BeingYou
#HidingBehindMyGlasses
#JourneytoAuthenticity
#GettingNaked
#LIVE
#SHOWUP
No comments:
Post a Comment