Greetings Authentic Life Giving People!
How have you been? I took last week off. I was all over the place and needed to get some things in order, you know. I missed you all! I missed the dialogue and great feedback you share. We are into week five of the Hiding Behind my Glasses nine week series. It has been a fulfilling journey so far. I've been able to explore my world, express my views, and be heard. I needed that. I've also been able to learn more about what it means to be true to myself and my beliefs. I've gained insight into who I am at a greater level which is super awesome! I love connecting with my self. I'm growing more into the woman I believe I am. That's a GRAND OLE feeling!
I wanted to blog-versate today about living unapologetically in the midst of a company of haters, naysayers, ill-intents, and spectators!
I believe ever since the beginning of time we've had people who have hated on others. Many have heard the bible story about Cain and Able. Jealousy lived in the heart of Cain causing him to physically harm his brother Able. I'm sure within your own family or circle of friends you have seen people hate on and mistreat others because of the green-eyed monster! It's something that we as humans are consciously able to abandon the love we have in our hearts to hold so tightly to such a dangerous emotion. Jealousy is poison.
Behind My Glasses......
Growing up I was a favorite cousin. I got along with everyone and I didn't make enemies. At least knowingly I didn't make them. As I grew up though I begin to notice people around me who didn't like me, not because I'd did anything wrong, but because of who I was. I didn't understand it then. I understand now that I have a light. It shines. I have to own that. I have to be responsible for it. I have to care for it. I have to absolutely use it in the way God designed, right!
It hasn't been that easy though. I've been attacked because of my light. There are times in my life where I've had friends who have confessed that they look to see if I've had a moment of being down. Not only do they look to see if you're down, they look to see if you'll get back up. That saying misery loves company is true. I've had people say to me that I was almost to positive, or that I was a goody two shoes! I so wish I could make this up!
I would take these things personal. In my heart I was never attempting to be better than anyone else. I was just being me. It took time to grow up and realize that nothing was wrong with me. It was the enemy in these people. It was their own insecurities that caused them to ridicule me.
I remember hiding a lot of who I was in that time. I remember censoring my thoughts and opinions. I was careful to tread lightly around others. I kept my mouth closed for fear of saying the wrong thing. I was very much so conditioned to hold back my light. I threw a lamp shade over it. In the new testament the bible talks about letting your light shine so before men.... It commands you to let no one snuff out your light.
Our light Authentic's is not made to be covered by a lamp shade. It's something about the brilliance of light that is needed in this world. Yet, I dimmed my light. So much so that I began to believe the things others said about me. I began to question myself and my own intentions. I couldn't see the brilliance that I was. I still have days where the image I see as myself is a bit intimidating. I know though who I am.
I was wounded. I had grown accustomed to the hate. I could recognize when people looked at me a certain way. I'm a very emotionally in tune person. I feel people's energy and it can absolutely drive me nuts sometimes! Due to having this keen awareness of people I judge quickly. I decide based on the weather (in the room) if I'll shine or not. I'm good at this. You can see me absolutely outspoken at one event and totally shut down at another. I'm not always one to throw myself out into situations. I'm very cautious. This behavior however doesn't serve me.
Once, while I was attending college, my professor commented on my style of writing after turning in a thought paper. She wrote on my paper that I reminded her of the late great Maya Angelou. Fireworks went off in my soul!! I can still see the brightness of the light in my mind. It was one of the most honorable and greatest compliments I'd ever been given. I was blessed and still am grateful for that deposit into my soul.
So, during a class exercise one night, the professor called out what she perceived as my uncomfortableness with receiving compliments. She stated that she noticed I didn't seem to receive them well. I never thought of people recognizing me walking around with my lamp shade on! So, I admitted in front of my peers that I took issue with that. I explained to her that I'd been surrounded by a green-eyed monster throughout my life. People don't always like me. They tend to look at me some kind of way. So my preference was to be complimented in private. To be honored in public was to be slain emotionally. I didn't yet know how to separate others thoughts and feelings from my own. For so long I had took on what others had to say.
Authentic's..... We have to simply love ourselves enough. We have to care about ourselves enough. We have to know ourselves enough. We have to be so engaged with God and ourselves that it doesn't matter what haters say! We have to own the truth that we are light. A brilliant light!
Listen, I'm in a place now where I do not want to be physically. It's like peeling my skin off it hurts so bad! I have to be here because of choices I made and I own that. I'm no victim. I am in a place where I know that I'm being watched. I'm being looked at strange and I have to be a light. Not only do I have to be a light I have to be authentic. Have you had to keep your light shining while people are watching to see how you handle it? What do you do?
You still live unapolgetically. I dare say do it even more aggressively! In my current situation, I know that I'm here because I need to face some truths. I need to grow. I'm in that dirt that I spoke of.
I'm reminded of Jesus in this moment. Think of what it would be like to be Him. To KNOW you are the savior of the world and others believe you to be a liar. People believe you to be an impostor. People hate you so much that they desire to kill you. They plan and plot your downfall. How it must be to be that person who KNOWS their intentions, who knows they do their best, who knows they love first, yet ppl still hate you, misjudge your character, and mock you publicly. Think of who you are and where you are in your life if this blog post relates to you. Can you identify with having been hated on but the call of God on your life, the purpose you feel in your heart, or the passion that drives you won't allow you to hide even though you want to duck behind the rocks! I've been in a place where people have told a lie on me and the very people who I thought for sure knew me turned out to question who I was to. I'm grateful today that I've learned and am learning still who to strategically put or allow into my life. I'm also aware of my light. No longer hiding, even from myself, gives me the wisdom to be myself in front of anyone. I know to not take on others issues. I know and practice daily not taking others judgment personal. It's imperative that we practice not taking things personal. It only dims our light.
Authentic's I want you to think this week on what it is about you that you should let shine but you haven't because others have attempted to dim your light. What is that great thing about you that you don't allow to come forth due to fear? Think on that and let's get authentic. Let's get to the root. Let's start to see clear through these glasses!
Until next time my dear loves......
#Unapologetic
#YouvsThem
#BeYOU
#Youthenticity
#JourneytoAuthenticity
#TellTheTruth
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